Richardine Bartee
Heartbreak isn’t easy. Stream Gregory Porter’s “Insanity” featuring Lalah Hathaway now from his 2016 album, Take Me to the Alley.
Name: Gregory Porter
Representing: Sacramento, CA
Genre: Jazz / Soul
For fans of: Robert Glasper, Esperanza Spalding, Al Jarreau
Single from: Take Me to the Alley
Produced by: N/A
Song of the Day: July 30, 2017
Label(s): Decca Records France
S
ome weeks ago when things weren’t as chaotic as they are now on the personal front, I enjoyed my Summertime. I’d go out to family gatherings with the man in my life. As couples tend to do, we did everything together. We did what we thought we were supposed to do to one another. Tell jokes, feed one another, gift each other, be intimate, do for others with less, and commit to one another.
Though we were together, we weren’t united in all areas. We didn’t have the same ideas about communication. When things were good, they were good, but somewhere along the lines, we lost our way. He let go of my hand in the midst of a dark, misty path, leaving me to fend for myself. We were supposed to fight together, not each other.
When I experienced the most horrible moments of my life, he was the only one I could talk to. Easily, he made himself available by being there to get me out of bed at the hardest time of my life. It was his duty to make sure that I ate when food felt like a difficulty. When he introduced me to his family, they embraced me for the most part. I thought that was it. I thought that I had finally found my husband, the one to cherish and respect me; Vice versa. I thought we could get through anything together until I became his depository for his ill unmapped feelings.
Until now, I’ve shared my life with the world in different ways. I’ve expressed heartbreak in the past, but never about someone that I’ve given a chance to be in my world. They say love is a losing game, and I feel like I shouldn’t have even tried to play, but I did. I played it well. In fact, I played until I was the only one at the table; playing myself.
In hindsight, I did wish that the parts that weren’t so good could vanish to keep the peace, but it was far too late for mending. We couldn’t even be friends because we’ve gone too far.
If anyone who ever met us, or saw us together, that helped us along the way is reading this: I love you. I thank you for supporting me. Some of you were right about what the way you felt. However, I thank you for allowing me to get through it on my own. You allowed me to grow and hopefully, through healing, I will be able to appeal to and inspire others who are going through something similar.
*Special thanks to the family who played the amazing Gregory Porter song for me for the first time. I will never forget you.
